Give up the need to feel perfect to be loved.
You are loved by those who matter and you are enough..
God receives us just as we are.
But we don’t receive ourselves in the same way.
We don’t love ourselves as we are.
Our deepest work is not so much to “improve” ourselves as to realize ourselves, to see ourselves clearly and dearly.
The small self, hearing the words “Be just as you are” immediately takes it as permission to sidestep the spiritual path.
It whispers: Just do what you want!! Don’t worry no effort is needed…
But we arrive at the truly effortless condition only after practice and more practice.
The secret here is that we are not practicing being “better” than we are. We are simply practicing “kindness” toward “who” and “what” we are…
(Jason Shulman – The Instruction Manual for recieving God)
Today I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce my new venture with the The Mens Lounge on my website and to share a little of my own experience with you.
Having lived through the devastating effect of a male family members suicide I felt compelled to share my experience, strength and hope.
I understand that as a male some of the messages, both externally and internally that could be running are:
Dont be vulnerable
Dont show emotion
Try / work harder
Be the “provider”
Put others first
Anger is OK, but tears arent
Im wondering how this is resonating with you as you are reading this?
I worked in high end corporate roles in the city of London and had a work ethic drummed into me to work harder and never show weakness.
This came at a big cost to my own mental, emotional and physical health and I kept pushing myself further and harder.
I was burnt out and had nothing left to give and eventually I broke.I was ignoring my mental health needs to my detriment.
At that moment I made a conscious decision to stop work and get the right support which started my journey of healing and self-discovery.
This was a difficult decision to make as I didnt have a plan B and ive always needed a plan and to feel in “control”. I had to trust that the outcome would be right for me.
Thankfully It has worked out in a way that fits in with my values and has brought about a shift in putting my recovery and mental health first. This has meant rigorous honesty , self enquiry and very importantly reaching out for help and support when needed.
Today I also practice a lot of what works including chanting, meditation, journalling and I also have weekly therapy.
It doesnt mean I dont have days that I struggle, I do but now those days are less frequent and more managable.
Of course Im not perfect either but I have a more compassionate voice within, that encourages me to be kinder to myself.
I encourage you to reach out, ask for help and support and above all learn to be kinder to yourself too.
Please feel free to comment and share. Id love to hear what has worked for you…
With much Love.
Today I wanted to share my thoughts and ideas around fear.
Firstly I feel it is important to say that fear is a normal response to threatening and difficult situations and circumstances and is part of being alive. I believe the biggest undercurrent that creates fear is knowing that we are going to die.
It’s an existential pang that we are not going to “escape”.
Being born, getting older, suffering from disease and ultimately death are the four pillars of being on this earthly plane that we can not run away from.
I witness out in the world today so much fear due to the Covid 19 pandemic and my heart weeps for the suffering of humanity.
Im wondering how much fear could also be the emerging awareness that our places in the world are fragile, precious, and ultimately governed by forces that are out of our control especially when we are faced with our own demise.
Fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear of not coping, fear of ultimately death I see are some of the biggest issues out in the world today.
Fear also creates physical responses in our precious bodies.
In the world of trauma this fear response or flight or fight can leave the adrenals on high alert and the body can be flooded with cortisol and this in turn can result in body pain and fatigue (think fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome) IBS and digestive issues,to name a few.
So, the question remains what can we do about this? I have listed below ten ideas on how to work with the powerful emotion of fear.
1. Go there!…allow your mind to wander to the worse case scenario/s….visit the dark places that you might be subconsciously avoiding. You will cope! Don’t avoid the thing you fear.
2. Bring it back to the body. Yoga, chanting, walking, meditation and of course Reiki……get out of your head and back to your heart.
3. Ground yourself… VAK x 3…think of and name 3 things you can see (Visual) three things you can hear (Audio) three things you can feel In the moment (Kinesthetic) maybe the chair beneath you for example.
4. Make friends with your fear. If it had a voice what would it be saying saying to you, What could you learn from this, How could you see this situation differently?
Is this “your” voice?
5. Write a letter to your higher power, spirit, angels or whoever you see as a guiding, loving consistent input in your life.. tell them your fears and ask them to help you make peace with or remove them. Maybe put the letter in a God Box or something similar.
6. Do what it is you are scared of….this might need to be with help and outside support but you can do this!!
Unsupported excitement can feel like fear.
7. Lean into the discomfort. Sometimes emotions are uncomfortable and a lot of living can be an avoidance strategy to not feel fear or other powerful feelings and emotions. Be curious, open and wise to the gifts these feelings can bring.
8. Let nature help you out. Go for a walk, be with the trees, forests, sea, open hills and greenery wherever it is that your soul is comforted and you feel safe in nature’s gentle embrace.
9. Read nurturing, or educational books that give you a sense of comfort. This may not be self help books either. I love reading children’s books and looking at picture books that soothe my inner child.
10. This is a really important one. Recognise that you might be carrying other peoples fear. Especially if it manifesting as terror. These extremities of emotion can be carried from others. You might need support unpicking this and doing some clearing work in this area which Reiki can be especially helpful with.
I hope the above helps. This isnt text book learning but my own lived experience.
Love and light.