Reflections

Giving yourself a chance…

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I wanted to write today about the importance of self healing and the time this can take.

I have witnessed and also personally experienced the throws of dealing with trauma.

Through the lens of CPTSD.

This was a long and arduous journey through very dark times, shadowy places and uncharted waters.

Thankfully I didn’t do it alone. I invested in recovery by choosing a fully qualified EMDR specialist who bit by bit was able to support me in my healing journey as well as the amazing friendships I have and an emerging spiritual practice which is at the heart and core of  my healing.

This has taken time and much needed pooling of my own internal resources to assist me.

The most important aspect has been allowing and giving myself as much time as I need to heal.

Sometimes this can take 5 steps forward and 4 steps back. It has been imperative that I dont push myself too hard or too fast.

I also see that people with or who have experienced trauma can also have performance or perfection scripts going on . The ones that say be more, do more and hurry up.

The most important work I see away from social norms of achievement is to do the inner work, the piecing together of broken childhoods, family dysfunction and learnt and addictive coping strategies.

To replace them gradually with self comfort in healthier ways, creative outlets and love.

Also not to be ashamed of asking for help. To risk being seen and vulnerable and above all to stop picking on ourselves and give ourselves a break.

I sometimes say “if God existed and he was sitting with me would he be asking me to “hurry up”?

No he would want me to rest, be still and be at peace…

I trust that today.

Blessings

 

Paul.

 

Inspirational words, Reflections

Awakening…

White wings and radiating light

I wanted to share these insightful words of wisdom from a wonderful book that I read called the Instruction Manual for Recieving God by Jason Shulman.

It’s a simple to digest book and highly recommended.

The hard work of truly awakening involves getting a clear idea of just how much of life we cannot bear.

We need to see how limited we really are. Then we will have the chance to meet God in reality and not in the fateful fantasy of saving or punishing ourselves.

The real self is not found in the movies or on the stage. It is not in books and has no script.

It is filled with surprise entrances and sometimes inexplicable exits.

All of this is OK.

It takes practice to let go of some limited idea of perfection or goodness. God is not a reward. God is your own miserable, magnificent self.

Reflections

The Power of Imperfection

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I wanted today to share my thoughts on being imperfect.

I read a beautiful quote from a book called “The Instruction Manual for Receiving God” by Jason Shulman today.

God would not be God if what God needed was our “perfection”. We would not be humans if all we learned was to awaken a single time.

We need to know that we can awaken over and over again, and that in every state we love or hate, in every falling down or rising up, God is with us…

So many times I have fallen short of a self imposed goal or a new ideal or approach, due to not being able to do it perfectly.

In my “own mind” I have created this conflict. The self imposed perfection that limits me and actually blocks me from “connection” with my own understanding of a Higher Power (God)

This conflict can manifest in many ways and also has a physiological aspect.

Who do I need to be perfect for?

Who am I trying to impress?

Where did I learn that perfection = love?

What would happen if I showed up, just as I am in all my wounded glory?

Sometimes I am fully aware that these patterns are unconscious and not accessible but when they start to show themselves it is worth exploring these limiting beliefs in which ever way suits you. It could be a life coach, a friend, a therapist, or simply spending time each day in quiet and reflection.

Maybe its just OK to show up, turn up and be who you are in this very moment?

Reflections

Forgiveness…

Today I wanted to share my thoughts on the power of forgiveness.

It’s true to say that in my own life and witnessing the life of others around me one of the biggest “hurdles” is that of forgiveness both of self and others.

Bringing compassion to those wounded parts from which possibly, self sabotaging behaviours still come from is key.

How many times have you found yourself saying . “I can’t believe I have done it again!!”

The strong voice of the inner critic can be a powerful force in disabling ourselves.

I have seen people after having “accomplished” something good will sabotage it again and return to the familiar place of feeling less than. I certainly recognise this in my self.

This is the voice of the Ego mind that wants to keep us small. To feel less than and live in a “dark” place

We are I believe a product of our pasts which include our upbringing, external stimulus, experiences and from a deeper prospective from past lives that may be still “playing out”.

Whilst we are on the road of recovery in whatever form that takes, there will no doubt be an element of self parenting required.

This can be the hardest “job” in the world but also the most rewarding.

To forgive ourselves is the ointment for the soul that intrinsically wants us to feel at peace and reside in a space of joy.

We need to shine the light of awareness and curiosity on where we are at rather than judgement and self hatred.

Next time you say I’ve done it again would it be kinder to take this stand point of gentleness and self enquiry rather than “beating yourself up”?

Love and blessings.

 

Paul.

 

Reflections

Life coaching as Transformation

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Today I would like to share my own thoughts and experience in learning and how to bring this to clients.

When people learn a new skill to help others I believe there is an element of transformation that will be two fold.

Transformation for the clients that come to you for coaching, and also transformation in your own life that can enrich what you do and who you are in exciting ways.

I can cast my mind back to many different training courses that I have been on where I have learnt new skills and tools that whilst I am in the learning domain on the day can be exciting and purposeful but become diluted and less impactful after the event.

Whilst adding to my skill sets in personal development and coaching is not a bad thing in itself I also feel that to have the most impact personally I need to on some level connect with the learning that has taken place and part of this will be a certain self enquiry in to my own cognition, feelings and emotions and proceeding actions and behaviours that have shifted in light in what I have learnt.

What is the most useful part of the new experience and how can this be appropriately brought into my own client practice when coaching?

I also see this, as a bit of a balancing act that I need to be aware of. Not to bring my own agenda to the client – coach session that could impact the coaching exchange in negative ways.

I like to see my own learning as a container of experience that can sit comfortably in my conscious awareness that does not need to be discussed in front of a client.

I am not the benchmark of my client’s experience. I am just an explorer in their world and when underpinned by curiosity and connection can alleviate my need to get it right and be perfect.
I also do not need to fix the client in anyway.

Coaching is a wonderful and elegant exchange of conversation that is best served with meaning with a side dish of purpose.

A smorgasbord of richness and experience in my client’s world that is fully person centred and congruent with a strong belief from me that the client I am working with is not broken.

If I deliver a solution or fix the clients “apparent” challenge, who is this about?

I am also not going to be black and white here in saying that there aren’t times that this could be useful as there could be a great deal of frustration felt by the client if I am coaching them into dead ends when a simple suggestion or a well framed amount of advice could help them move ahead and with greater clarity.

The conditioning from parenting is being questioned, some of what people continually do with less than desirable results may start to change and also the need for validation and approval from clients will start to shift into one of trusting the process and not needing to get a feel good from my clients changes but rather a deeper routed acceptance of my capabilities as a transformational coach.

When you are out in the world creating change ask yourself what can I learn and how can this be useful to others.