Today I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce my new venture with the The Mens Lounge on my website and to share a little of my own experience with you.
Having lived through the devastating effect of a male family members suicide I felt compelled to share my experience, strength and hope.
I understand that as a male some of the messages, both externally and internally that could be running are:
Be strong
Dont be vulnerable
Dont show emotion
Try / work harder
Be the “provider”
Put others first
Be perfect
Anger is OK, but tears arent
Im wondering how this is resonating with you as you are reading this?
I worked in high end corporate roles in the city of London and had a work ethic drummed into me to work harder and never show weakness.
This came at a big cost to my own mental, emotional and physical health and I kept pushing myself further and harder.
I was burnt out and had nothing left to give and eventually I broke.I was ignoring my mental health needs to my detriment.
At that moment I made a conscious decision to stop work and get the right support which started my journey of healing and self-discovery.
This was a difficult decision to make as I didnt have a plan B and ive always needed a plan and to feel in “control”. I had to trust that the outcome would be right for me.
Thankfully It has worked out in a way that fits in with my values and has brought about a shift in putting my recovery and mental health first. This has meant rigorous honesty , self enquiry and very importantly reaching out for help and support when needed.
Today I also practice a lot of what works including chanting, meditation, journalling and I also have weekly therapy.
It doesnt mean I dont have days that I struggle, I do but now those days are less frequent and more managable.
Of course Im not perfect either but I have a more compassionate voice within, that encourages me to be kinder to myself.
I encourage you to reach out, ask for help and support and above all learn to be kinder to yourself too.
Please feel free to comment and share. Id love to hear what has worked for you…
Today I wanted to share my thoughts and ideas around fear.
Firstly I feel it is important to say that fear is a normal response to threatening and difficult situations and circumstances and is part of being alive. I believe the biggest undercurrent that creates fear is knowing that we are going to die.
It’s an existential pang that we are not going to “escape”.
Being born, getting older, suffering from disease and ultimately death are the four pillars of being on this earthly plane that we can not run away from.
I witness out in the world today so much fear due to the Covid 19 pandemic and my heart weeps for the suffering of humanity.
Im wondering how much fear could also be the emerging awareness that our places in the world are fragile, precious, and ultimately governed by forces that are out of our control especially when we are faced with our own demise.
Fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear of not coping, fear of ultimately death I see are some of the biggest issues out in the world today.
Fear also creates physical responses in our precious bodies.
In the world of trauma this fear response or flight or fight can leave the adrenals on high alert and the body can be flooded with cortisol and this in turn can result in body pain and fatigue (think fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome) IBS and digestive issues,to name a few.
So, the question remains what can we do about this? I have listed below ten ideas on how to work with the powerful emotion of fear.
1. Go there!…allow your mind to wander to the worse case scenario/s….visit the dark places that you might be subconsciously avoiding. You will cope! Don’t avoid the thing you fear.
2. Bring it back to the body. Yoga, chanting, walking, meditation and of course Reiki……get out of your head and back to your heart.
3. Ground yourself… VAK x 3…think of and name 3 things you can see (Visual) three things you can hear (Audio) three things you can feel In the moment (Kinesthetic) maybe the chair beneath you for example.
4. Make friends with your fear. If it had a voice what would it be saying saying to you, What could you learn from this, How could you see this situation differently?
Is this “your” voice?
5. Write a letter to your higher power, spirit, angels or whoever you see as a guiding, loving consistent input in your life.. tell them your fears and ask them to help you make peace with or remove them. Maybe put the letter in a God Box or something similar.
6. Do what it is you are scared of….this might need to be with help and outside support but you can do this!!
Unsupported excitement can feel like fear.
7. Lean into the discomfort. Sometimes emotions are uncomfortable and a lot of living can be an avoidance strategy to not feel fear or other powerful feelings and emotions. Be curious, open and wise to the gifts these feelings can bring.
8. Let nature help you out. Go for a walk, be with the trees, forests, sea, open hills and greenery wherever it is that your soul is comforted and you feel safe in nature’s gentle embrace.
9. Read nurturing, or educational books that give you a sense of comfort. This may not be self help books either. I love reading children’s books and looking at picture books that soothe my inner child.
10. This is a really important one. Recognise that you might be carrying other peoples fear. Especially if it manifesting as terror. These extremities of emotion can be carried from others. You might need support unpicking this and doing some clearing work in this area which Reiki can be especially helpful with.
I hope the above helps. This isnt text book learning but my own lived experience.
Today I wanted to share my thoughts and a snap shot of my experience around the idea of a spiritual path and how that can be quite a lonely experience.
Firstly the question I have is …What does it mean to be spiritual?
I feel that the word “Spiritual” is used a lot, (maybe too much) and quite a hip thing to be thought of…but what does it actually mean?
For me I have always been aware of my connection to something other than me. As a child I was in tune with other energies and beings.
A clear memory I have is being 8 years old. We had a familiar swing in our family back garden. I loved to play on the swing for hours at a time. I also remember convincing my best friend that if you were to swing high enough on it you would reach God…I truly believed that.
During my tumultuous teens, I was also interested in anything to do with the spirit realms understanding that my limited experience of the world wasn’t all there was… I don’t feel I want to delve further into this here other than to say it was all part of my personal exploring into other worlds. Although this was a delve into darker places it also opened my horizons and view points in “just because I can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist”
When I was 25 I started to attend 12 step fellowships and stumbled across the idea and concept of a “higher power”. Something bigger and greater than myself that not only existed but that “had my back”..
My version of unconditional love that a higher power provided was not something I had ever experienced before. How could I trust something or somebody who I couldn’t see or feel?
I based my higher power experience on my upbringing that had been abusive and anything but unconditional or consistent.
Here I was being asked to hand my will and my life over…to what or who?
The real paradigm shift in my spiritual development and awareness came when I sadly lost my brother in tragic circumstances not 6 months after I had lost my Dad to cancer.
I wanted answers and I went to the local church and from a kneeling position asked God why? I needed to know.. where was God and why had he let this happen?
The next day I walked into a local gift shop and was greeted by a Hare Krishna devotee who worked there. I felt something profound in our exchange and connection and was invited to their Sunday Feast programme.
I loved this experience and felt at home both with the other people and within myself.
The chanting of the Hare Krishna Mantra transported me to another place and was deeply moving and profound ..I felt in touch with those same places and energies that I experienced as a child..I was simply in awe.
For the next 5 years I submerged myself in Krishna Consciousness and surrounded myself with the love and support of this community. Chanting, eating blessed food studying the vedic scripts and literature and attending festivals and events.
As I healed from the trauma of my past and also the trauma of family bereavement my needs changed and the love that was shown to me from the Krishna Community started to feel conditional and with this new found awareness I made the conscious decision to come away from the movement and look at more body centric healing and modalities.
I qualified as an Angelic Reiki Practitioner. This simply rocked my world and ever since qualifying and dedicating my daily spiritual practice to this energy, I have noticed a remarkable and growing connection with the Archangels and Angelic realms. Although it was always present from a young age it makes more sense now.
This journey for me also brings with it a certain loneliness and separation from societal norms. Although I have joined a beautiful Tantric community which is nurturing, rewarding and exciting.
That said…
Being on a spiritual path can be a very lonely place. I can be part of a community and surround myself with people on a spiritual path, however I also believe that my “relationship” with God/Higher power/Spirit is deeply personal and God isn’t exclusive and accessible from just one view point or understanding. It is a personal relationship that no-one else has ownership of.
I have a strong daily practice of chanting in the morning (the Hare Krishna mantra), daily meditation (Angelic Chakra Cleansing) and often pray.. I believe in God, simply put I believe I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.
I am very grateful for my emerging and ongoing connection with the Angelic realms and a God of my understanding which is strengthened by having a daily spiritual practice which is essential for me.
I also believe in divine timing and nothing is coincidental..I was shown what I needed to see at the right time.
I want to finish this writing with the extended serenity prayer and ask are we ever really alone?
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”
“Grant me patience with the changes that take time, appreciation for all that I have, tolerance of those with different struggles and the strength to get up and try again”.
I know that when I am faced with the unexplored, unknown and un chartered this can cause fear.
Even if my fear is unfounded. My body can still “react” to these fear responses.
Also with the complex nature of trauma these intense emotions can become “trapped” in the body energetically.
Hence I believe a lot of chronic pain conditions are trauma based and have emotional elements to them which I will cover in another blog post.
So how do we let go of this ,how can we release the trauma? How can we let go of the intensity?
I’ve shared some tips below:
Yoga… This is especially helpful to get back into the body and out of the head- think gentle stretches rather than yogic gymnastics
Prayer… To hand it over to a power greater than myself whether that be on my knees or writing a letter to God / Spirit /Angels to help me and remove my fear and putting the letter in my God Box
Meditation…Especially body scans that focus on each muscle group in turn to create the relaxation response within our bodies
Nature….get out of your head!, go for a walk, soak in the healing gift that mother nature has given us, trees, greenery, beautiful landscapes waiting to be explored
Distraction …Something that can focus your attention and be enjoyed. I love to knit and do Mandala coloring books
Creative writing….This has greatly helped me process my feelings in different ways whether that be short stories or poetry
Arts and crafts. My inner child loves to play, making soaps, making cards and pottery
Hot bubbly baths, with epsom salts and candles…lush escapes
Listen to classical music, especially music without words
Invest in good therapy!
These are just some ideas that have and do really help me.
Good luck with your own solutions and healing adventures.
spiritsoulcoaching.com 