Today I wanted to share my thoughts and ideas around fear.
Firstly I feel it is important to say that fear is a normal response to threatening and difficult situations and circumstances and is part of being alive. I believe the biggest undercurrent that creates fear is knowing that we are going to die.
It’s an existential pang that we are not going to “escape”.
Being born, getting older, suffering from disease and ultimately death are the four pillars of being on this earthly plane that we can not run away from.
I witness out in the world today so much fear due to the Covid 19 pandemic and my heart weeps for the suffering of humanity.
Im wondering how much fear could also be the emerging awareness that our places in the world are fragile, precious, and ultimately governed by forces that are out of our control especially when we are faced with our own demise.
Fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear of not coping, fear of ultimately death I see are some of the biggest issues out in the world today.
Fear also creates physical responses in our precious bodies.
In the world of trauma this fear response or flight or fight can leave the adrenals on high alert and the body can be flooded with cortisol and this in turn can result in body pain and fatigue (think fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome) IBS and digestive issues,to name a few.
So, the question remains what can we do about this? I have listed below ten ideas on how to work with the powerful emotion of fear.
1. Go there!…allow your mind to wander to the worse case scenario/s….visit the dark places that you might be subconsciously avoiding. You will cope! Don’t avoid the thing you fear.
2. Bring it back to the body. Yoga, chanting, walking, meditation and of course Reiki……get out of your head and back to your heart.
3. Ground yourself… VAK x 3…think of and name 3 things you can see (Visual) three things you can hear (Audio) three things you can feel In the moment (Kinesthetic) maybe the chair beneath you for example.
4. Make friends with your fear. If it had a voice what would it be saying saying to you, What could you learn from this, How could you see this situation differently?
Is this “your” voice?
5. Write a letter to your higher power, spirit, angels or whoever you see as a guiding, loving consistent input in your life.. tell them your fears and ask them to help you make peace with or remove them. Maybe put the letter in a God Box or something similar.
6. Do what it is you are scared of….this might need to be with help and outside support but you can do this!!
Unsupported excitement can feel like fear.
7. Lean into the discomfort. Sometimes emotions are uncomfortable and a lot of living can be an avoidance strategy to not feel fear or other powerful feelings and emotions. Be curious, open and wise to the gifts these feelings can bring.
8. Let nature help you out. Go for a walk, be with the trees, forests, sea, open hills and greenery wherever it is that your soul is comforted and you feel safe in nature’s gentle embrace.
9. Read nurturing, or educational books that give you a sense of comfort. This may not be self help books either. I love reading children’s books and looking at picture books that soothe my inner child.
10. This is a really important one. Recognise that you might be carrying other peoples fear. Especially if it manifesting as terror. These extremities of emotion can be carried from others. You might need support unpicking this and doing some clearing work in this area which Reiki can be especially helpful with.
I hope the above helps. This isnt text book learning but my own lived experience.
Today I would like to share my own thoughts and experience in learning and how to bring this to clients.
When people learn a new skill to help others I believe there is an element of transformation that will be two fold.
Transformation for the clients that come to you for coaching, and also transformation in your own life that can enrich what you do and who you are in exciting ways.
I can cast my mind back to many different training courses that I have been on where I have learnt new skills and tools that whilst I am in the learning domain on the day can be exciting and purposeful but become diluted and less impactful after the event.
Whilst adding to my skill sets in personal development and coaching is not a bad thing in itself I also feel that to have the most impact personally I need to on some level connect with the learning that has taken place and part of this will be a certain self enquiry in to my own cognition, feelings and emotions and proceeding actions and behaviours that have shifted in light in what I have learnt.
What is the most useful part of the new experience and how can this be appropriately brought into my own client practice when coaching?
I also see this, as a bit of a balancing act that I need to be aware of. Not to bring my own agenda to the client – coach session that could impact the coaching exchange in negative ways.
I like to see my own learning as a container of experience that can sit comfortably in my conscious awareness that does not need to be discussed in front of a client.
I am not the benchmark of my client’s experience. I am just an explorer in their world and when underpinned by curiosity and connection can alleviate my need to get it right and be perfect.
I also do not need to fix the client in anyway.
Coaching is a wonderful and elegant exchange of conversation that is best served with meaning with a side dish of purpose.
A smorgasbord of richness and experience in my client’s world that is fully person centred and congruent with a strong belief from me that the client I am working with is not broken.
If I deliver a solution or fix the clients “apparent” challenge, who is this about?
I am also not going to be black and white here in saying that there aren’t times that this could be useful as there could be a great deal of frustration felt by the client if I am coaching them into dead ends when a simple suggestion or a well framed amount of advice could help them move ahead and with greater clarity.
The conditioning from parenting is being questioned, some of what people continually do with less than desirable results may start to change and also the need for validation and approval from clients will start to shift into one of trusting the process and not needing to get a feel good from my clients changes but rather a deeper routed acceptance of my capabilities as a transformational coach.
When you are out in the world creating change ask yourself what can I learn and how can this be useful to others.