Mens Lounge

What is your purpose?…

“A person’s sense of resolve or determination.
“there was a new sense of purpose in her step as she set off”

Oxford Dictionary definition.

Today I wanted to share my thoughts on finding your sense of purpose.

Even as I type this im changing my mind. I see it now as “living” my purpose and its not something to be “found”.

Let me explain.

For many years I worked in high end corporate job roles where I was constantly producing, performing and trying to get validation.

I worked in environments that fuelled my need to be needed and also in roles that were very mucn focused on helping others in quite demanding roles.

This led to a false sense of security and ultimately burn out both physically and mentally.

I knew I couldnt maintain this any longer and so embarked on my own journey of healing. With the right support and in a way that worked for me.

I reached out for help to the right people and wasnt afraid to say “I cant do this on my own”

This was 7 years ago now and at times although extremely hard work was by far the best thing I did. To put my recovery first.

Today I am passionate about helping men to step into their own power and be authentic in their own lives.

Today I see my purpose as living authentically with myself and others, whatever that may mean in the moment.

It isnt a goal to be reached or a far off destination, but to be lived on a daily basis and to invite joy into my life wherever possible.

How do you live your best life?

What suppport could you need to do this?

Are you being authentic…?



Mens Lounge

Being vulnerable…

Firstly I want to say that as a man I understand how hard it can sometimes be to feel less than “strong”.

To have it all held together, neatly packaged with no cracks in the armour.

I also know how heavy that armour can get to carry.

Like a packhorse constantly going up hill with no breaks.

Added to which the additional “burden” of others peoples worries and emotional fragility.

Growing up as a caretaker, provider, hunter, head of the family (and this goes on) can have a devastating affect on mental health.

I have witnessed this coming out in addictive processes including turning to drinks/drugs and moving into compulsive caretaking of others.

High levels of poor self care and worse turning to suicidal ideation or the worst case scenario actually following through on that.

I want to in this moment say “it is ok to struggle” it is ok to not have it figured out.

It is ok to say no and let someone else make their own mistakes and with that gain their own understanding from the current situation they find themselves in.

It is ok to cry, to need to be held and let ourselves fall apart.

Thats where the beauty is, the light, the moment of surrender.

Thats when we are heard on the deepest of levels and thats where the hand of spirit (or a loved one) can reach us.

We bring ourselves back home to ourselves and within that surrender lies our true power.

So, in this moment I want to encourage you to lean into your vulnerability and not shut it down or shout it out.

Ask for help if you need it…

You are so loved.

Be well.


Mens Lounge

Introduction to The Mens Lounge…Emotional support.

Good morning,

Today I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce my new venture with the The Mens Lounge on my website and to share a little of my own experience with you.

Having lived through the devastating effect of a male family members suicide I felt compelled to share my experience, strength and hope.

I understand that as a male some of the messages, both externally and internally that could be running are:

Be strong

Dont be vulnerable

Dont show emotion

Try / work harder

Be the “provider”

Put others first

Be perfect

Anger is OK, but tears arent

Im wondering how this is resonating with you as you are reading this?

I worked in high end corporate roles in the city of London and had a work ethic drummed into me to work harder and never show weakness.

This came at a big cost to my own mental, emotional and physical health and I kept pushing myself further and harder.

I was burnt out and had nothing left to give and eventually I broke.I was ignoring my mental health needs to my detriment.

At that moment I made a conscious decision to stop work and get the right support which started my journey of healing and self-discovery.

This was a difficult decision to make as I didnt have a plan B and ive always needed a plan and to feel in “control”. I had to trust that the outcome would be right for me.

Thankfully It has worked out in a way that fits in with my values and has brought about a shift in putting my recovery and mental health first. This has meant rigorous honesty , self enquiry and very importantly reaching out for help and support when needed.

Today I also practice a lot of what works including chanting, meditation, journalling and I also have weekly therapy.

It doesnt mean I dont have days that I struggle, I do but now those days are less frequent and more managable.

Of course Im not perfect either but I have a more compassionate voice within, that encourages me to be kinder to myself.

I encourage you to reach out, ask for help and support and above all learn to be kinder to yourself too.

Please feel free to comment and share. Id love to hear what has worked for you…

With much Love.