Blog

Reflections

Giving yourself a chance…

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I wanted to write today about the importance of self healing and the time this can take.

I have witnessed and also personally experienced the throws of dealing with trauma.

Through the lens of CPTSD.

This was a long and arduous journey through very dark times, shadowy places and uncharted waters.

Thankfully I didn’t do it alone. I invested in recovery by choosing a fully qualified EMDR specialist who bit by bit was able to support me in my healing journey as well as the amazing friendships I have and an emerging spiritual practice which is at the heart and core of¬† my healing.

This has taken time and much needed pooling of my own internal resources to assist me.

The most important aspect has been allowing and giving myself as much time as I need to heal.

Sometimes this can take 5 steps forward and 4 steps back. It has been imperative that I dont push myself too hard or too fast.

I also see that people with or who have experienced trauma can also have performance or perfection scripts going on . The ones that say be more, do more and hurry up.

The most important work I see away from social norms of achievement is to do the inner work, the piecing together of broken childhoods, family dysfunction and learnt and addictive coping strategies.

To replace them gradually with self comfort in healthier ways, creative outlets and love.

Also not to be ashamed of asking for help. To risk being seen and vulnerable and above all to stop picking on ourselves and give ourselves a break.

I sometimes say “if God existed and he was sitting with me would he be asking me to “hurry up”?

No he would want me to rest, be still and be at peace…

I trust that today.

Blessings

 

Paul.

 

Inspirational words, Reflections

Awakening…

White wings and radiating light

I wanted to share these insightful words of wisdom from a wonderful book that I read called the Instruction Manual for Recieving God by Jason Shulman.

It’s a simple to digest book and highly recommended.

The hard work of truly awakening involves getting a clear idea of just how much of life we cannot bear.

We need to see how limited we really are. Then we will have the chance to meet God in reality and not in the fateful fantasy of saving or punishing ourselves.

The real self is not found in the movies or on the stage. It is not in books and has no script.

It is filled with surprise entrances and sometimes inexplicable exits.

All of this is OK.

It takes practice to let go of some limited idea of perfection or goodness. God is not a reward. God is your own miserable, magnificent self.

inner child

Your not who you think you are…

 

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Who are you?

Such a simple question but one that can be hard to answer.

I know for me that part of my journey has been to “unfold” who I am without needing to mould myself into other people’s expectations of me.

I call it the chameleon affect.

Trying to always “blend in” with my surroundings.

I also understand that this can stem from a “deep routed” sense of not being ok with self.

I remember as a child creating fairytale lands of magic powers and invincibility which I now know was in an attempt to escape the harsh reality of my less than perfect upbringing and often tumultuous home environment.

I created places and worlds where I would be “safe”.. All powerful and connected to something other than what was happening around me.

Today I allow myself to escape in healthier ways.

Movies, books, art, colouring books and poetry are ways that I allow my inner child to feel acknowledged.

This is important for me especially¬† with the sometimes over whelming responsibility of having to “adult”.

When I connect with myself through creative expression and to my inner child, I can then go into the world with a greater confidence and able to remain consistently in self approval.

I can look at myself and know who I am.

Back to my original question..

Who are you?

Who “can” you be and what part needs your attention today?

How would it be to listen to the inner child within and see what they need?

Even just for while before you need to be a responsible adult again.

 

With love and light.

 

Paul.

Reflections

The Power of Imperfection

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I wanted today to share my thoughts on being imperfect.

I read a beautiful quote from a book called “The Instruction Manual for Receiving God” by Jason Shulman today.

God would not be God if what God needed was our “perfection”. We would not be humans if all we learned was to awaken a single time.

We need to know that we can awaken over and over again, and that in every state we love or hate, in every falling down or rising up, God is with us…

So many times I have fallen short of a self imposed goal or a new ideal or approach, due to not being able to do it perfectly.

In my “own mind” I have created this conflict. The self imposed perfection that limits me and actually blocks me from “connection” with my own understanding of a Higher Power (God)

This conflict can manifest in many ways and also has a physiological aspect.

Who do I need to be perfect for?

Who am I trying to impress?

Where did I learn that perfection = love?

What would happen if I showed up, just as I am in all my wounded glory?

Sometimes I am fully aware that these patterns are unconscious and not accessible but when they start to show themselves it is worth exploring these limiting beliefs in which ever way suits you. It could be a life coach, a friend, a therapist, or simply spending time each day in quiet and reflection.

Maybe its just OK to show up, turn up and be who you are in this very moment?

Reflections

Forgiveness…

Today I wanted to share my thoughts on the power of forgiveness.

It’s true to say that in my own life and witnessing the life of others around me one of the biggest “hurdles” is that of forgiveness both of self and others.

Bringing compassion to those wounded parts from which possibly, self sabotaging behaviours still come from is key.

How many times have you found yourself saying . “I can’t believe I have done it again!!”

The strong voice of the inner critic can be a powerful force in disabling ourselves.

I have seen people after having “accomplished” something good will sabotage it again and return to the familiar place of feeling less than. I certainly recognise this in my self.

This is the voice of the Ego mind that wants to keep us small. To feel less than and live in a “dark” place

We are I believe a product of our pasts which include our upbringing, external stimulus, experiences and from a deeper prospective from past lives that may be still “playing out”.

Whilst we are on the road of recovery in whatever form that takes, there will no doubt be an element of self parenting required.

This can be the hardest “job” in the world but also the most rewarding.

To forgive ourselves is the ointment for the soul that intrinsically wants us to feel at peace and reside in a space of joy.

We need to shine the light of awareness and curiosity on where we are at rather than judgement and self hatred.

Next time you say I’ve done it again would it be kinder to take this stand point of gentleness and self enquiry rather than “beating yourself up”?

Love and blessings.

 

Paul.