Firstly I want to say that as a man I understand how hard it can sometimes be to feel less than “strong”.
To have it all held together, neatly packaged with no cracks in the armour.
I also know how heavy that armour can get to carry.
Like a packhorse constantly going up hill with no breaks.
Added to which the additional “burden” of others peoples worries and emotional fragility.
Growing up as a caretaker, provider, hunter, head of the family (and this goes on) can have a devastating affect on mental health.
I have witnessed this coming out in addictive processes including turning to drinks/drugs and moving into compulsive caretaking of others.
High levels of poor self care and worse turning to suicidal ideation or the worst case scenario actually following through on that.
I want to in this moment say “it is ok to struggle” it is ok to not have it figured out.
It is ok to say no and let someone else make their own mistakes and with that gain their own understanding from the current situation they find themselves in.
It is ok to cry, to need to be held and let ourselves fall apart.
Thats where the beauty is, the light, the moment of surrender.
Thats when we are heard on the deepest of levels and thats where the hand of spirit (or a loved one) can reach us.
We bring ourselves back home to ourselves and within that surrender lies our true power.
So, in this moment I want to encourage you to lean into your vulnerability and not shut it down or shout it out.
In todays post I wanted to write about my take and lived experience on the idea of Ancestral or carried trauma.
It’s no mystery that we are a culmination of our parents DNA and with that comes a deeper, engrained network of scripts (from the world of transactional analysis) and learnt behaviours and responses.
Also, fascinating to me is the notion and evidence based work on ancestral trauma and mental / emotional health within our families of origin.
Many studies have been conducted in this area and if someone is challenged by their own mental / emotional health today, when traced back it is often seen that there is a blueprint of poor mental health in other family members backgrounds and lived experience.
Is is also fantastic to see emerging more body centric therapies and modalities that take this viewpoint seriously and work to unlock repressed trauma and release trapped “emotion” In this way.
In my own experience and when working with clients and students I have been witness to some amazing shifts and emotional releases on the level of deeper body awareness, sensations and consciousness.
Some of the theories , therapies and approaches that I have seen work are
All of these in my opinion go beyond the talk based approaches that other modalities offer.
I do understand and have also personally experienced deep rooted trauma being healed on an equally deep level not by “talking” about the problem but by feeling the problem, getting in touch with the emotion, understanding what wisdom the body is giving me, what the learning is and “then” being safe enough to release it while has had a marked positive impact on emotional resilience and on wide spread body pain and fatigue.
Conditions like chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia to name just two.
Its not a miracle cure and takes commitment but it is also a beautifully profound approach to listen to our bodies own healing “response” and very importantly to pay close attention to the answers that arise from this level of work.
It may be In our DNA but it doesn’t mean it is yours to carry.
It can be released with help and support.
I would not undertake this level of work without consulting a trained and competent facilitator in body based therapies and approaches..
May you find your healing spaces and places where you are held and safe..
Today I wanted to share my thoughts and a snap shot of my experience around the idea of a spiritual path and how that can be quite a lonely experience.
Firstly the question I have is …What does it mean to be spiritual?
I feel that the word “Spiritual” is used a lot, (maybe too much) and quite a hip thing to be thought of…but what does it actually mean?
For me I have always been aware of my connection to something other than me. As a child I was in tune with other energies and beings.
A clear memory I have is being 8 years old. We had a familiar swing in our family back garden. I loved to play on the swing for hours at a time. I also remember convincing my best friend that if you were to swing high enough on it you would reach God…I truly believed that.
During my tumultuous teens, I was also interested in anything to do with the spirit realms understanding that my limited experience of the world wasn’t all there was… I don’t feel I want to delve further into this here other than to say it was all part of my personal exploring into other worlds. Although this was a delve into darker places it also opened my horizons and view points in “just because I can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist”
When I was 25 I started to attend 12 step fellowships and stumbled across the idea and concept of a “higher power”. Something bigger and greater than myself that not only existed but that “had my back”..
My version of unconditional love that a higher power provided was not something I had ever experienced before. How could I trust something or somebody who I couldn’t see or feel?
I based my higher power experience on my upbringing that had been abusive and anything but unconditional or consistent.
Here I was being asked to hand my will and my life over…to what or who?
The real paradigm shift in my spiritual development and awareness came when I sadly lost my brother in tragic circumstances not 6 months after I had lost my Dad to cancer.
I wanted answers and I went to the local church and from a kneeling position asked God why? I needed to know.. where was God and why had he let this happen?
The next day I walked into a local gift shop and was greeted by a Hare Krishna devotee who worked there. I felt something profound in our exchange and connection and was invited to their Sunday Feast programme.
I loved this experience and felt at home both with the other people and within myself.
The chanting of the Hare Krishna Mantra transported me to another place and was deeply moving and profound ..I felt in touch with those same places and energies that I experienced as a child..I was simply in awe.
For the next 5 years I submerged myself in Krishna Consciousness and surrounded myself with the love and support of this community. Chanting, eating blessed food studying the vedic scripts and literature and attending festivals and events.
As I healed from the trauma of my past and also the trauma of family bereavement my needs changed and the love that was shown to me from the Krishna Community started to feel conditional and with this new found awareness I made the conscious decision to come away from the movement and look at more body centric healing and modalities.
I qualified as an Angelic Reiki Practitioner. This simply rocked my world and ever since qualifying and dedicating my daily spiritual practice to this energy, I have noticed a remarkable and growing connection with the Archangels and Angelic realms. Although it was always present from a young age it makes more sense now.
This journey for me also brings with it a certain loneliness and separation from societal norms. Although I have joined a beautiful Tantric community which is nurturing, rewarding and exciting.
That said…
Being on a spiritual path can be a very lonely place. I can be part of a community and surround myself with people on a spiritual path, however I also believe that my “relationship” with God/Higher power/Spirit is deeply personal and God isn’t exclusive and accessible from just one view point or understanding. It is a personal relationship that no-one else has ownership of.
I have a strong daily practice of chanting in the morning, daily meditation (Angelic Chakra Cleansing) and often pray.. I believe in God, simply put I believe I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.
I am very grateful for my emerging and ongoing connection with the Angelic realms and a God of my understanding which is strengthened by having a daily spiritual practice which is essential for me.
I also believe in divine timing and nothing is coincidental..I was shown what I needed to see at the right time.
I want to finish this writing with the extended serenity prayer and ask are we ever really alone?
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”
“Grant me patience with the changes that take time, appreciation for all that I have, tolerance of those with different struggles and the strength to get up and try again”.
I know that when I am faced with the unexplored, unknown and un chartered this can cause fear.
Even if my fear is unfounded. My body can still “react” to these fear responses.
Also with the complex nature of trauma these intense emotions can become “trapped” in the body energetically.
Hence I believe a lot of chronic pain conditions are trauma based and have emotional elements to them which I will cover in another blog post.
So how do we let go of this ,how can we release the trauma? How can we let go of the intensity?
I’ve shared some tips below:
Yoga… This is especially helpful to get back into the body and out of the head- think gentle stretches rather than yogic gymnastics
Prayer… To hand it over to a power greater than myself whether that be on my knees or writing a letter to God / Spirit /Angels to help me and remove my fear and putting the letter in my God Box
Meditation…Especially body scans that focus on each muscle group in turn to create the relaxation response within our bodies
Nature….get out of your head!, go for a walk, soak in the healing gift that mother nature has given us, trees, greenery, beautiful landscapes waiting to be explored
Distraction …Something that can focus your attention and be enjoyed. I love to knit and do Mandala coloring books
Creative writing….This has greatly helped me process my feelings in different ways whether that be short stories or poetry
Arts and crafts. My inner child loves to play, making soaps, making cards and pottery
Hot bubbly baths, with epsom salts and candles…lush escapes
Listen to classical music, especially music without words
Invest in good therapy!
These are just some ideas that have and do really help me.
Good luck with your own solutions and healing adventures.
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